so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
