you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
