yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
