Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hippo gnu deer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
