My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
