I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
