i permit you to call me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
