Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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