I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
