so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we're making bets on your personal life
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
