Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
