Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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