I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
