You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
