kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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