i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
