I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize