sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
