My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
