sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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