I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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