Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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