I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
