I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
