Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
