I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
