I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
