I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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