I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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