Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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