Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
