I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
