Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
