worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
