but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
