Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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