Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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