thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
