ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
