I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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