yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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