i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
