Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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