I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
