I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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