A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
