just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
