Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
