What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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