You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
