You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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