I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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