cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
