I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm having to shit out rocks
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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