Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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