My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The ass gains better be worth it
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