like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
