I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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