worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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