Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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