Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am available for nakedness
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
