Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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