my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
