HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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