I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
