Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
