That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
