Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
