dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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