shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
