He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
