Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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