Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
