I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
