Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future