he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?