im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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