I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.