fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.