Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die