I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said