i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.