After last night, I could never be a politician.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
