i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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