I have demons in me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
