I heard we made out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
