he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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