she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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